


Radio Chatter

by chodes



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Explicit Language, Flashbacks, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Gen, Ghosts, M/M, Now Featuring: The Group Chat, Oxenfree!AU, Rating May Change, Suggestive Themes, Supernatural Elements, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-18
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-02 01:15:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10933938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chodes/pseuds/chodes
Summary: "When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not; and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never."Ryan Haywood prided himself in never letting anything hurt him for longer than it should, but one graduation trip with his friends proved to be much more than he could handle. This was the ghost story he desperately wanted to tell, but could not.





	1. Don't Remember It Like That

“Oh, wait wait wait! Remember when he almost tossed that guy out the window?”

“Are you talking about Jere–”

“–For the love of dicks, Meg,” Geoff groaned.

“–Yes, yes! It _was_ Jeremy,” she sighed wistfully. “What a time to be alive.”

“ _S_ _top bringing that up_!” Geoff begged and leaned against the the wall in a tantrum. “I hate this–”

“–Because you were too busy sleeping in class to see it?” Michael snickered.

“Well, yeah.”

“Anyway guys,” Meg stopped in the doorway. “Moral of the story– don’t fuck with Gavin. I’ll be back with the wild child in a bit!”

“Whatever,” Geoff and Michael replied as the door shut.

“Not gonna let him ruin my fun, you know?” Michael pulled off his t-shirt and hung it across the back of the sofa.

“I’m right with you. Gonna grab myself a drink, want anything?”

“Maybe later,” Michael grunted and stretched his back. “I’m gonna check out the pool toys and shit.”

Geoff nodded and made a beeline to the kitchen cabinets. A nearly-full bottle of whisky sat on the lowest shelf with shot glasses neatly lined up next to it. Geoff snorted and grabbed the bottle, opened another cabinet, and pulled out a mug.

“Cool, I’m gonna chill and wait for the power couple.”

Michael laughed and headed through the sliding door. Geoff poured himself a healthy portion and took a sip. He turned on the television and shuddered pleasantly as the liquid scraped his throat.

The moment Geoff sat down, the bell rang.

“Jesus dicks,” he grunted, stood up, and walked toward the front door. The contents in his mug sloshed around.

“Ayyyy, let us in!”

Geoff rolled his eyes and opened the door. Ray darted past Geoff and strode through the house with Ryan’s hand in his.

“Thanks Geoff!” Ray laughed as they disappeared through a hallway.

“Nice to see you, too,” Geoff sighed and carefully walked outside to find Michael.

“Hey, did I hear R & R?” Michael asked from the edge of the pool. His feet kicked up the water behind him.

“You sure fucking did, and they’ve probably turned the guest room into a porno set by now.”

“Okay no,” Michael pulled himself out of the water and began to walk back into the house. He left puddles all over the floor with each step.

“They can fuck somewhere else. Ryan’s got a bed in his truck.”

“That he doesn't know how to drive. But? You’d totally watch them bang, dude. Don’t deny it,” Geoff said before he downed the rest of his drink.

“God, _no_ ,” Michael scowled as he wiped his feet on the carpet. “Okay, well maybe. Ray’d seem like fun to watch. But Ryan’s like… territorial? Kinda creepy.”

Geoff burped and felt the whisky rush to his head. “What, like a Doberman?”

“Yeah, like he’s just an actual dog trapped in a human–” Michael huffed. “Fuck, nevermind. Brain was gonna go somewhere weird.”

Not bothering to dry himself off, Michael strode down the hallway. Stray threads of carpet and lint stuck to his feet as he rounded the corner into the guest room with Geoff behind him. The door was locked, and Michael gave it a side kick.

“You two better not be fucking in there!”

“We’re just–”

_Thump_.

Ryan groaned from the other side of the door. “We’re just changing.”

"Mhm," Geoff hummed. Michael rolled his eyes in disbelief.

“ _Changing my ass_. If you two aren’t out here in five minutes, I’m going to burn down the room.”

“You got it, boss,” Ray answered.

Footsteps padded away from the room as Ray turned back to Ryan at the foot of the bed and eyed his blue swim trunks.

“Lookin’ good,” he whistled lowly. “Nice farmer’s tan.”

Ryan gave him an easy smile and rubbed his pained elbow. “Thanks. Your turn.”

Ray bit his lip.

“Okay, but don’t laugh.”

“Never.”

Ray rose to his knees on the bed and untied his sweats before pulling them down to reveal soft pink swim trousers. He turned around and struck a pose before he looked over his shoulder. Ryan’s eyes widened and met Ray’s wary expression.

“Y-you look great, doll,” Ryan moved closer and poked his lower back in fascination. “You’ve got cute little dimples here.”

Ray squirmed when Ryan gently rubbed his thigh.

“You want them off?”

“I’m just admirin’ is all.”

“I can take them off.”

“ _Ray_ –”

“...”

Ryan pushed Ray down on the sheets and regarded him curiously.

“Think you can be satisfied in five minutes?”

“Under you, big guy? Call me 'Ray Puerto Rican Quickshot Thunder Narvaez',” Ray grinned.

Ryan buried his face in Ray’s chest to muffle his laughter, and the vibrations sent through his skin caused Ray to squirm in ticklish discomfort. He hugged Ryan closer anyway and enjoyed the broad span of his shoulders.

 

* * *

 

“I FUCKING SAID FIVE MINUTES! GET OUT OF THERE!”

“Just a minute!” Ryan yelled. He tapped Ray lightly on the tip of his nose.

“IT’S BEEN FIFTEEN FUCKING MINUTES AND _YOU NEED ANOTHER ONE_!?” Michael screeched.

“Hmm,” Ray murmured from atop the sheets. He yawned and stretched lazily while a flurry of motion swam in front of him and heavy knocks continued to rattle the door.

“‘m up,” Ray jolted awake, pulled his shorts back on and stood from the bed to open the door.

“WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU TWO DOING!?”

“I took a nap,” Ray swayed groggily. Ryan shrugged. Michael blinked rapidly.

“How the fuck did you–”

“Doesn’t matter!”

“–get so tired? And yeah it fucking matters!"

"Look, don't worry about it," Ryan mediated. "The bed's clean, if that's what you're worried about."

"God!” Michael threw his hands up dramatically. “ _As soon_ as Ray turned eighteen, it became ‘Fuck City’ for both of you!”

Ray covered his friend’s face with his palms as he blushed.

“Just shut up,” he growled through gritted teeth and pressed harder on Michael’s mouth. “Just shut the fuck up.”

He licked the brown hands that covered his face– Ray squealed and wiped them down on Michael’s freckled shoulders.

Ryan smirked.

“Ray,” he slid his arm around the boy’s waist. “Let’s head outside.”

Michael sputtered and followed the couple. “You’re just– wait, are those pink shorts!?”

“Yup!” Ray exclaimed and shook his backside. Ryan scooped the laughing boy up and carried him over his shoulder and into the living room. Geoff was helping himself to another mug-full of alcohol when the three trotted in.

“Hey kids,” Geoff greeted. “Michael catch you fuckin’?”

“He most certainly did not,” Ray answered, muffled by Ryan’s back. Ryan winked at Geoff and they shared a knowing look.

Michael reached up to ruffle his friend’s dark hair. “You totally were!” He teased. Ray snapped his teeth at Michael's face.

Keys clanked against the door until it opened for Meg. She pushed the door open and held it while a boy with wild, sandy hair carried bags inside.

“Hey everyone! We brought some snacks!”

“Hey guys!”

Geoff and Ryan turned to their friends and beamed. To Ray’s relief, Ryan placed him down and pulled Meg into his arms. Finally free, he walked up to Gavin.

“X-Ray!”

“Hey Gav,” Ray waved. The other boy homed in on him and draped him in a tight hug. Geoff noogied their heads in affection.

“ _Gavin_ ,” Michael sang. Gavin leapt off Ray and turned around. He yelled.

“My boi!”

“What kind of snacks are in here?” Geoff poked at one of the bags on the coffee table. Gavin perked up from his embrace with Michael.

“I just got a load of cheese-flavored stuff.”

“Ah,” Geoff sighed and stroked his short beard. “I see you’re a man of culture as well.”

Michael and Ray cawed with laughter.

“I wanna get into this water, my dudes,” Meg announced. She pranced her way into the pool area and grabbed one of the inflatable chairs. “C’mon everyone!”

Gavin was the first to run outside with Michael angrily bolting close behind. Ray grabbed Ryan’s hand again and casually followed. Geoff burped a dismissal and flopped on the recliner.

 

* * *

 

“Michael,” Gavin kicked water into Meg’s chair and she flipped him off. “I’m hungry.”

Michael snorted. “Okay?”

“Go inside and make me something,” he answered.

“Pretty sure if you just put your own ass in the microwave it’d taste better than Michael’s cooking,” Ray deadpanned.

Michael nodded. “Couldn’t have said it better myself.”

“How about we just order some pizza?” Ryan suggested. He poked Ray’s stomach lightly. “As much as you all like to brag about the ancient art of microwaving, I don’t feel like eating radioactive food.”

Ryan ignored Ray’s side glare. "Weak," he mumbled under his breath.

“Are you paying then?” Gavin asked as he slapped his feet loudly against the water surface.

“Sure,” Ryan shrugged.

Meg spun in her bubble chair. “Order from the one by the school! They’ll give us discounts.”

Ryan carefully pulled his phone from his pocket with his free hand and looked up the pizza joint. “So, what toppings do we want?”

“Pepperoni!”

“–with extra cheese!”

“–pineapple!”

He rolled his eyes and everyone turned their grimaces toward Ray.

“I was _kidding_ ,” he cackled.

“Kidding or not, you better sleep with one eye open!”

“You come into my house,” Gavin whined. “ _You disrespect my pizza_.”

“I mean…”

Ryan gently tightened his grip around the teen before he relinquished and scooted off the diving board. “Pepperoni with extra cheese it is.”

Everyone responded with their own groans of approval while he dialed the number and waited for an employee to pick up. 

“Hi. Uh, I’d like to make an order for a delivery…” Ryan disappeared through the sliding doorway where the cellular reception was consistent.

“Shit,” Meg groaned. She flailed her arms in the water and tried to steer her float toward the edge of the pool. “I want breadsticks.”

Gavin snorted while she clambered out of the float and hurried inside the house after Ryan. He turned to Ray and grinned.

“How are you and _Ryan_?” he sing-songed.

Ray pursed his lips, unsurprised. “We’re still super gay and stuff,” he shrugged. “Ryan’s amazing as always.”

“You two’ve shagged?”

“N-not _that_ gay yet. We just cuddle and mess around and stuff.”

“‘And stuff’!" he repeated. "That’s bloody awful! I’d think since you’re dating a dude you’d be getting more tail than anyone here combined.”

“That’s a stereotype!” Ray guffawed and kicked his foot in the air.

“And besides,” Gavin leaned closer and lowered his voice. “That’s not what I heard you were up to earlier in the guest room.”

Ray’s face heated up and he grimaced. “Why are you like this.”

“Aw, X-Ray, you’re red! Michael was all gushing about it!”

“Michael’s a fucking garbage can,” Ray hissed.

“Michael’s a what?”

Ray squirmed at the murderous presence behind him. Gavin squeaked.

“You heard me, four eyes,” Ray glared over his shoulder.

“You know,” Michael stomped a wet foot on the base of the diving board and gave it a tremor. Ray flinched and gripped the sides firmly. “If you were someone else, I’d kick your ass off and into the water right now.”

Ray huffed. “Just stop making shit up, dude. I told you, I was taking a nap earlier.”

“And I’m telling _you_ that you didn’t just take a nap out of nowhere,” Michael placed his foot back down and began to walk away. “I honestly don’t care if Ryan blew you or whatever but you need to just accept that I’m not fucking stupid.”

“Whatever!”

“And who’re you calling ‘four eyes’?” Michael joked before going inside.

Ray smiled back and adjusted his glasses. He turned to Gavin and the poor boy was still laughing.

“ _Can you chill_?”

“Sorry,” he wheezed. “It’s just funny how you deny everything. I don’t get it. I’m pretty sure Ryan wouldn’t mind.”

“Yeah, you don’t get it,” Ray scraped his fingerprints against the rough resin surface. He sighed. “Look, don’t tell _anyone_ , but I really, _really_ like Ryan.”

Gavin shrugged.

“But I don’t know how much longer he wants to be with me, you know?”

Gavin’s eyes widened comically. Before he could respond, Ray continued with newfound energy.

“He never told me, but I’ve known for a while that he’s going to transfer out and leave the city. I don’t blame him, La Marque is small as shit and it smells like old people, but I can’t just pack my stuff and follow him. And I don’t know a damn thing about long distance stuff. The Wi-Fi here is shit, and I don’t know how the fuck to mail a letter or write one.”

“Bloody hell, X-Ray.”

“I know.”

“You’re already eighteen.”

“I fucking _know_ , okay?” Ray rocked back and forth nervously before sitting sideways and facing his friend. “A-and you’re one to talk– you’re mentally twelve.”

“What!?” Gavin cried in mock offense. He grabbed at Ray’s ankles and flipped him backwards. Ray flailed and yelped before splashing into the water, head first. Gavin found himself drenched but he laughed it off.

To avoid the wrath of his friend, he stood up and jogged inside to check on the status of the pizza.

Geoff was asleep in the recliner by the sofa while Ryan leaned against the armrest closest to the front door. Michael and Meg sat on opposite ends of the sofa with a babbling redheaded girl between them.

“Lindsay!” Gavin hovered over the back of the sofa and greeted her with an upside down smile.

“Gav!” she jumped, but returned the smile easily. “Hey dude!”

“Where’s your swimsuit?”

“Haven’t changed yet. Also decided to just hang in here and wait for pizza with everyone else.”

“Yeah that’s what I came here for,” Gavin turned toward Ryan. “How much left until food?”

Ryan ran a hand through his blond hair and checked the lock screen on his phone. “Like twelve more minutes.”

Gavin groaned and received sympathetic pats on the arm.

Lindsay turned in her seat. “Hey where’s Ray? I have his Animal Crossing in my bag.”

“At the pool probably finding a towel or something. He’s pretty wet,” Gavin snickered.

Ryan chuckled and lifted his brows with amusement. “Crazy splashing contest?”

“Nah, I dunked him in.”

Michael, Lindsay, and Meg stopped talking.

“In the water?”

“Yeah–”

Ryan pushed Gavin roughly to the side and ran out of the room toward the pool.

“Wh–” Gavin tried again only to be pushed again by Michael as he ran after Ryan.

“Ray can’t fucking swim!”

Gavin jolted and his heart skipped several beats. Everyone else moved past him in a flurry of motion into the pool area. He turned his head and looked upon Geoff’s sleeping face with dread before hauling his leaden legs toward the sliding door.

He had never seen an accident, never experienced a disaster, and never encountered something he couldn’t comprehend until he watched Ryan pull Ray out from the depths of the water. The boy was laid on the concrete and it would have easily passed onto Gavin’s gaze as a person in slumber if it wasn’t for the puddle of water beneath him, the unnatural stiffness in his limbs, and the darkness in Ryan’s movements.

“H-he’s not breathing, a-and he’s been under for at least five minutes! He– o-okay,” Meg paused and looked from her phone to Ryan. “R-Ryan, try mouth-to-mouth!”

Ryan, drenched from head to toe in chemically-altered water, tilted the boy’s head backward. He pinched Ray’s nose, pressed his mouth to him, and pushed in air from his own lungs. There was no lung movement, and no response. Michael moved to Ray's other side and tried as well, but his body remained limp.

“He’s… “ Ryan sobbed, but kept trying despite his waning hope.

“P-Please just send someone over! He’s not responding!” Meg begged into the small speaker. Lindsay buried her head between her knees in despair as she rocked herself.

Michael turned around and looked at Gavin in the doorway.

“Why did you push him?”

Gavin pleaded. “I d-didn’t know…”

Ryan stood to his feet in a rush.

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! FUCKING LEAVE!”

He nearly tripped over his own feet as he fled at a full sprint.

Ryan crumpled back to his knees. Meg groaned furiously as she ended the call and impregnable, hopeless silence dragged on for several minutes.

“H-how the fuck are we going to tell his parents o-or anyone?” Michael cried.

“Tell who what? I leave you little shits to yourselves for fifteen minutes…”

Four heads turned to the doorway. Geoff leaned casually against the glass frame.

“Geoff!” Lindsay ran up to him. “C-Call 911 a-and get an ambulance over here!”

“ _What_!?” Geoff barked, but reached for his phone anyway. “What's going on?”

Ryan tearfully reached forward and grabbed the boy’s cold hand in his. The small body shuddered, and for a moment, seemed completely animated. Ray’s mouth opened in a groan as thick, dark blood bubbled up from between his lips and dribbled down the side of his upturned face.

Meg and Lindsay shrieked at the sight. Geoff's eyes widened. Ryan felt the warm trickle down his other hand from where he was holding the side of Ray’s delicate face, yet he stared pathetically at the horrific substitute of the boy’s last words. He could barely breathe.

Pained, Michael turned to Geoff and droned, “Gavin pushed Ray into the water a-and…” he cut himself off as a sob escaped him.

“—veston County Emergency, may I help you?”

Geoff furrowed his brows in an overwhelming attempt to understand. He exhaled harshly through his nose and lifted the phone to his ear.

“Yes. I'm Geoff, my friend drowned, and I need an ambulance right now. We’re at…” Geoff rattled on while something inside him shifted, and he didn’t think it would ever re-align.

As Geoff continued to cooperate with the operator, the teens fell into a shared silence while they looked upon Ray’s body. No one could say it aloud.

“I-I’ll call his mom,” Michael declared. He didn’t immediately move from his spot on the ground, but eventually, he stood up and padded away into the living room. Geoff finished the call with the operator and made his way to the side of the pool.

He stared into the water and reported, “They already have people on their way to us. Where’s Gavin?”

Ryan appeared as if he hadn’t heard Geoff’s question and just squeezed Ray’s hand tighter. His fingers were rigid.

The faint wail of sirens pierced the atmosphere, and reality had hit them all at once. A faint ringing welled up in the space between Ryan's ears; he buried his face in the small chest beneath him and cried.

 

* * *

 

Ryan answered on the first ring. The clipped sounds of fingers against buttons filled the background noise on the other end.

“Hi, Ray.”

“Hey, what are you doing tomorrow?”

He stretched his back and yawned. “Going to the pool party of course, you?”

“Um, same,” Ray’s distracted voice wavered.

“But you don’t like parties,” he walked over to his dresser. “Or pools.”

“Well, _I like you_ , so.”

“I–” Ryan hesitated.

“ _And_ ,” Ray yammered over him. “and I just know you’ll be fucking bored without me.”

“You’re not wrong there,” Ryan turned and fiddled with the plastic window blinds.

“Duh. Well anyway, I just wanted to confirm and stuff.”

Ryan bit his lip. “Hey Ray?”

“Mmm,” Ray hummed and a victory fanfare played.

“I like you, too.”

“You're such a fucking cheeto,” he laughed, embarrassed.

 


	2. Go and I Will Be Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's graduation night.

The days were getting hotter, ice cream sales were rising and crime along with it– hemlines were shortening and the economy was getting worse. It was summer. Sweat was prevalent underneath every armpit in town, but it brought forth a solidarity that made cool nights all the more sweeter. Inside the empty, poor excuse of a school library, Ryan huddled in a corner desk behind dusty shelves with an old notebook, a retro radio, crinkled snack wrappers, empty diet coke cans, and new oxfords.

“I yield,” Ryan pressed his face into the table. “I’m just gonna wing it.”

“You finally understand.”

“I understand nothing,” he whined.

“Look,” Jeremy nudged the eraser tip of his pencil into Ryan’s cheek. “All you have to do is thank the student body and talk about making the world a better place. It’s simple, easy shit that you can sample from a million other speeches.”

“Uh huh,” Ryan yawned in agreement, but did not move. With his old radio playing odd tunes in the background, he could fall asleep like this.

“I mean, if you’ve run out of shit to say, you could bring up–”

“Nope,” his lips popped in emphasis. “Don’t even think about it, Jeremy.”

“Fair enough,” Jeremy shrugged and took a sip from his room-temperature coffee cup. He pulled back, looking at it with contempt. “But everyone’s going to be expecting it.”

“Although I long for the sweet embrace of death,” Ryan laid his cheek on the laminate wood and faced his friend with a sigh. “I’d rather not do it that way.”

“Gotcha.”

“You don’t care, do you?” Ryan smiled softly.

Jeremy thumbed the edge around his styrofoam cup. “Look,” he said. “I know you have a lot of baggage from last year, but I’m not gonna tell you how to cope with it. I’m just your soundboard, dude.”

Ryan frowned with dissatisfaction. “I hate that word.”

“Which one?”

Ryan sat up straight in his seat and rolled his shoulders. “Let’s kick this fucking speech in the taint.”

Jeremy beamed.

“Okay, so all you need is a funny intro and a solid closing. Anything else in between is fluff and statistics, you know?”

Ryan looked at his notes and nodded as he circled a few lines. “Sounds good to me.”

After an intense session of googling and note-taking, Ryan cleared his throat and turned to his friend with a patient, serious expression. Jeremy checked the group chat.

_[ up for adoption ]_

@ _dooldrool_ : finally we are making progress.

@ _dooldrool_ : finally.

@ _tuggmeister_ : It’s been an hour

@ _ragebaby_ : yeah i mean can u really call that progres?

@ _tuggmeister_ : Progress* you molded toilet

@ _gavvywavvy_ : lindsay is soooo cool

@ _ragebaby_ : shut it u filth

@ _dooldrool_ : she has a point.

@ _ragebaby_ : y FUCk

_Gavin @gavvywavvy is offline_

@ _dooldrool_ : duty calls.

_Jeremy @dooldrool is offline_

Jeremy looked up from his phone and snorted. “Ready?” Ryan nodded. “Let me hear it.”

He cleared his throat and chuckled. He let the embarrassment roll out of him and tried again.

“Good evening. I’d like to welcome all students, faculty, family, friends, and guests to the La Marque High fifty-third graduation commencement,” Ryan paused and let a smirk slide on his mouth. “ _Well, I’d like to_ , but I know many of us– myself included– are here right now through nothing short of a miracle.”

Jeremy barked with laughter. “What a weird way to say that we all basically fucked up–”

Ryan threw his hands up in exasperation.

“–but I like it. It’s honest, anyway,” he shrugged. “Got anything else?”

“Um,” Ryan swallowed down a wave of self-consciousness and looked back at his notes. “I’d also like to say things like ‘we rocked it,’ ‘we’re the best,’ and ‘we’ve always been set up for greatness,’ but the truth is that this year was an ordeal. We dealt with heatwaves, blackouts, the revival of ‘Party Rock Anthem’,” Jeremy snorted– “and a staggering decline in wholesome memes,” –and closed his eyes while he bowed his head in a fit of giggles. “And yet, by some miracle, we made it here.”

“...” Jeremy looked up and blinked rapidly. “ _Dude_.”

A lopsided grin broke through his teeth.

“Yeah?” Ryan let the contagious excitement get to him.

“That was beautiful,” Jeremy shook his head and looked away. “So, any idea on the closing?”

“Ummm,” Ryan hummed at the ceiling. “I’ll make it up.”

“You have six hours,” he checked his phone.

“Oh,” Ryan put his head back on the table and sighed. “Could I just give a little ‘fuck yeah’ at the end?”

“You could,” Jeremy went back to poking Ryan with the eraser. “But you’d make it to the local newspaper immediately.”

“I could part my hair on the opposite side and they’d write about it.”

“The woes of being the heartthrob.”

Ryan made a vomiting noise and Jeremy chuckled.

“Maybe a ‘fuck yeah’ will work out. It’ll be a nice ice breaker to tell your friends, neighbors, and grandmas in Austin.”

“I wasn’t kidding.”

“I know,” Jeremy mused. “Just think– this is your last day in this shithole. Once you’re done with your speech, you’re free.”

“Yeah,” Ryan began to smile, but then sat straight up in alarm. “Wait, no.”

“Hmm?”

“I have to endure a stupid party at Gavin’s.”

“But I thought–”

“Me too,” he sighed. “But I figured I might as well not be a total asshole this time and just take the bait. And… I want to see if we can be friends again.”

Jeremy leaned forward. “That’s pretty badass of you, my dude.”

Ryan cringed. “I don’t know about that. I’m just tired of all of this tension, to be honest.

“I’ve been meaning to ask, though–” Ryan drummed his pen against the spirals of his notebook before pointing it accusingly at Jeremy’s head. “What's with the hair?”

Jeremy flipped his hair dramatically. “I’ve been desperately waiting for you to comment on it.”

“It’s green,” he deadpanned.

“I’ve been _desperately_ waiting for you to comment on it, and all you say–”

“I-I mean,” Ryan smiled sheepishly. “It looks cool. Definitely cooler than most of the teenybopper hairstyles here.”

“Aww,” Jeremy crooned. “But not as cool as those shiners you’ve got there. From your dad?”

“Ah, yeah,” Ryan glanced at the shoes beside him as if he saw them for the very first time. “They’re Prada. Figured I might as well look like I give a damn.”

“Well, you’re definitely going to do that. The nicest shoes I have are my slip-ons.”

Ryan smiled crookedly and scooted his chair back to peek under the desk. Jeremy’s athletic legs led to wide feet that were crammed into delicate, black espadrilles.

“Ryan,” he heard Jeremy whisper. “Stop staring at my feet or they will be the last things you see today.”

Ryan reappeared from under the table with his front teeth buried into his bottom lip. He made aborted wheezing noises.

“I swear to god, dude–”

“No,” Ryan inhaled. “God is definitely dead and you killed him with those shoes.”

“Hey man,” Jeremy lifted a finger. “I bought these and a pair was given to a kid in Africa. I’m doing some good.”

Ryan wheezed again.

“Stop doing th–”

_VBBT VBBT. VBBT VBBT._

Both boys jumped as a sound loud enough to compete with a buzzsaw erupted from the table and rippled through the atmosphere.

“Is that my…?” Still caught in his laughter, Ryan swiped across his phone. “Yup, I gotta get to my barber appointment.”

“You’re getting a haircut, too?”

“Not really,” he pursed his lips and gathered his notes together. “It’s just a trim that I could do myself, but he insisted. And he promised to give me some food dye a while ago.”

“Wait, what are you gonna do with food dye? And why does he have it? That’s not your thing.”

“Adam was drunk one night and had to make an errand for a client. Mistakes were made. It doesn’t matter,” Ryan zipped his bag closed and picked up his radio. “I was going to use it for a senior prank, but whatever.”

Jeremy leaned forward in excitement. “Shit dude, what were you gonna do?”

He balanced from one foot to another. “I was just…” he swallowed and tried again. “Ray and I were going to paint some giant technicolor dicks in the courtyard.”

“WHAT!?” Jeremy’s voice rose in level. “Oh my god, dude!”

Ryan waved his hands in front of his face.

“Settle down. It’s not like I’m going to use them though,” Ryan explained. His eyes focused on the radio in his hand. “I just… “

Jeremy backpedalled from his earlier excitement and shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.”

As they headed toward the front of the building, both boy’s eyes darted to the librarian’s empty desk and grinned. Ryan smirked and plucked an olive book from a nearby shelf before he placed it in his bag. Jeremy raised an eyebrow.

Ryan held the thrice-painted door open. “Come on, I’ll drop you off at Lindsay’s on my way.”

“Sweet.”

The boys exited the worn building with coffee-crashed yawns to the last sun-dried afternoon on campus. Lowerclassmen dominated the field and hallways while most of the seniors were elsewhere and prepared for the evening commencement. Clumps of students loitered in their way and stared openly as they walked past. Ryan was barely able to hold back a shudder.

“Wow,” Jeremy muttered. “They’re shameless.”

“Yup,” Ryan muttered back and wrapped his bag closer to his chest. His steps hastened toward the parking lot with Jeremy close behind.

Dirt-covered and aged cobalt blue, Ryan’s pickup truck waited strategically in the last parking slot for a quick getaway. His chest felt lighter at the sight of it, and he wasted no time to unlock the passenger door for Jeremy. He nearly jogged around to the driver’s side before he hopped in. Technical books of varying ages lay haphazardly over the floor and seats and the fabric interior smelled of sun-dried leaves and sweat.

Jeremy was more than used to the clutter and simply set aside a small stack of paperbacks onto the floor in front of him. Makeshift bookmarks created from chunks of colored paper poked out from between the pages of the thickest tomes.

“So,” Jeremy spoke over the ignition. “Which one did you snatch this time?”

“Umm, oh!” Ryan yanked his bag open. “Just a little history book on spy codes and technology. I had my eye on it for a while.”

“What!?” he gaped. “Are you telling me we had the coolest book in our school this whole time and you never told me?”

Ryan grinned sheepishly as he put his full concentration into backing out of the lot.

“Well, it’s mostly just a book on how soldiers used radios to send and intercept messages.”

“Dammit, dude!” Jeremy laughed through his glare. “You and your constant love affair with that damn radio.”

“Can’t be an affair if I’m single,” he shrugged and groaned in relief as they drove away from the school premises and onto the street. Jeremy rolled his eyes but otherwise said nothing.

Ryan was the quietest driver out of his friends but it also made him the safest. Something about high school made him the least requested driver which gave him relief beyond compare. He spent more time in his truck than he’d like to admit, yet it was obvious by the lived-in-but-still-haphazard array of tech books, blankets, batteries, and unopened air freshener packs.

It was a short, quiet drive to Lindsay’s house. Gold balloons at various stages of life framed the stone-paved walkway to the oak front door. Even from his seat, Ryan noticed the remnants of last night’s chillout– tiny bits of confetti and the light contours of footprints in the vivid, trim lawn.

“You can still see where Joel fell into the bushes after he dropped his phone,” Jeremy snickered.

Ryan unlocked his door and made his move to get out. “You think she’s even awake yet?”

They exited the truck and walked toward the door in familiar strides. As the sun hung lazily above Lindsay’s parents’ Colonial architecture, it was easy to pretend it was just another quiet, unassuming weekend.

Jeremy knocked a hip hop tune into the door. Ryan pulled out his phone and began to type.

_[ @tuggmeister ]_

@ _ryantheguy_ : We’re here

Ryan kept his eyes downward after he pocketed the device while his interest floated back to Jeremy’s black espadrilles. A tiny, amused grin wedged itself on his face and grew wider when Jeremy’s feet shuffled around.

Muffled sounds of someone approaching the door alerted Ryan and he ran a hand through his hair. Jeremy sniffed and glared half-heartedly at him.

“Woah, did I walk in on something?”

Ryan didn’t miss a beat. “Why, we were just about to make out.”

“On my doorstep? I’m honored, truly,” Lindsay smiled easily in her pajamas. Her red hair was barely contained in a messy, lopsided bun. “But I’d prefer it if you came in,” she gestured indoors.

“Thanks, Linds,” Jeremy walked in and gave her a quick hug.

“I was actually here just to drop him off,” Ryan placed his hands in his pocket. “I’ve got some errands to run, but I’ll see you later tonight?”

Lindsay turned back to Ryan on her doorstep and furrowed her brows. She stared blankly.

“You’re actually going.”

Ryan smiled. “Yeah. I mean, you only graduate from high school once, right?”

She bit her lip and grimaced. Jeremy sat quietly on the sofa in the front room.

“You’ve got a point. I’ll see you later, pretty boy,” she gave Ryan an expectant look as she backed into her house and grabbed the doorframe. He could almost feel his pocket buzzing with instant messages. “And rock us with your speech tonight.”

Ryan snapped and pointed a finger gun at her as he walked backwards toward the sidewalk. “Expect maximum rocking.”

“Fuck yeah!?” Jeremy bellowed from inside.

“Fuck yeah!” Ryan answered. Lindsay’s eyes shifted between the boys and she pivoted into the living room to interrogate Jeremy. The front door was kicked closed.

Ryan all but hauled himself into his truck. He groaned into the worn steering wheel, grit his teeth, and shuddered. His hand trembled to pull the keys from his pocket and suffered even worse at slotting them into the ignition. The engine let out a loud purr that reverberated inside the vehicle, rattled a small rose keychain in the central console, and blanketed over Ryan’s frustrated sob.

Ryan decided to head straight home. Driving there was an uneventful blur of thinning trees and intrusive thoughts. His stomach pinched and pulled as the sun set in his peripheral vision. He expected to feel healthier once he parked into the unpretentious driveway, but instead he knew this was just another step toward the worse evening of the year.

“I’m home,” Ryan greeted and made a beeline to his room. A loud, metallic clang sounded off from the office.

“Welcome home, graduate!” his father yelled. “You’re back early!”

He placed the library book on his pillow and rummaged through his bag for the radio. He quickly placed it on the top of his bookshelf and aligned it on a clean, rectangular spot surrounded by dust. Footsteps padded their way just outside his room.

“Adam dropped off your dye earlier.”

Despite the preamble, Ryan jumped in surprise and looked to his father in confusion. “When?”

“About an hour ago. He figured you might not be able to make it to his shop, so he used his lunch to deliver this,” he held out three retro-designed packs of food dye and chuckled. “What were you going to use this for again? Revive the nineties?”

Ryan sighed quietly through his teeth and steeled his face. “It was gonna be a thing for Ray, but well,” he waved a quivering hand dismissively. “I’ve decided to just find another use for it.”

“And what’s that gonna be?”

“I-I,” Ryan stammered. “I… I don’t know y-yet.”

His father did a once-over in his room and Ryan flushed. A limited-edition Xbox controller sat on the television stand, unplugged and properly dusted. A pair of Six Flags refill cups perched high on a shelf like collectables, and beneath it hung an old, worn purple hoodie.

The older man frowned, and Ryan found interest in the way his blinds became crooked halfway down the window they laid against. A warm, weathered palm gripped his shoulder warmly.

“There’s still about four and a half hours left until we gotta go,” he told his son. “How about you rest for a couple hours?”

Ryan smiled weakly. “Yeah, thanks.”

His hair was ruffled lightly and the warmth left him as the man walked out and back toward the office. Ryan blinked at the space he was previously standing and rubbed his eyes tiredly. A pair of kicked off shoes and and tossed off pants later, Ryan gracelessly flopped onto his bed and yawned into the navy comforter.

_VBBT. VBBT._

Ryan rolled over and fished out his phone.

_[ up for adoption ]_

@ _tuggmeister_ : Ryan are you okay

He smiled.

@ _ryantheguy_ : Yup, I’m just gonna take a nap. See you all tonight.

@ _ragebaby_ : ur guna need it dude

@ _tuggmeister_ : Have a good one (*-ω-) see you later~

@ _ultramega_ : Get some rest, bro!

@ _ryantheguy_ : Will do. ＿ﾉ乙(､ﾝ､)_

@ _ultramega_ : Those emojis never get old.

@ _ryantheguy_ : ६ൠ͠३

@ _ultramega_ : Which one is that?

@ _ryantheguy_ : A cow, obviously.

@ _ultramega_ : Hmm.

@ _tuggmeister_ : Sure buddy go take your nap now

@ _ragebaby_ : anyway

@ _ragebaby_ : cant believe ur actually going 2nite

@ _dooldrool_ : excited as hell.

@ _dooldrool_ : party of the year.

@ _ragebaby_ : i’ll say

_Ryan @ryantheguy is offline_

Ryan yawned and tossed his phone aside as his eyelids drooped heavily. He focused intently on steadying his breath and in a short time, he felt himself slipping under.

 

* * *

 

“Why am I hosting a party I’ll probably be kicked from?”

Michael snorted as he compared two vanilla frosting containers. “There is that possibility.”

“So?” Gavin crossed his arms.

“ _So_ ,” Geoff yawned and leaned heavily on the shopping cart. “Give it your all.”

”Besides,” Michael turned to him and grinned. “He’s actually going to show up.”

“That makes it even worse!” Gavin’s eyes grew impossibly large and he made a pitiful noise. “Why am I here?”

“Is this another existential question, or?” Michael asked as he crossed an item off the shopping list on his phone. He switched between apps and sent a message to the group chat.

_[ up for adoption ]_

@ _ragebaby_ : can we tell gavin yet

@ _dooldrool_ : what are you even talking about?

@ _ultramega_ : I thought the secret thing was your idea?

@ _tuggmeister_ : You should totally tell him!

@ _dooldrool_ : what are yuo talking about?

@ _ragebaby_ : oH

@ _dooldrool_ : you*

@ _ragebaby_ : god ur right lol i’ll tell him then

@ _ragebaby_ : and record it for posperity

@ _tuggmeister_ : Prosperity* you ignorant lard

@ _dooldrool_ : reKT

@ _dooldrool_ : and can someone please tell me.

@ _ragebaby_ : jfc linds

@ _ultramega_ : He’s just a child, Linds.

@ _tuggmeister_ : Check your DMs Jeremy. I’d tell you IRL but I’m lazy

@ _ultramega_ : Don’t disappoint, Michael!

@ _ragebaby_ : i never do

@ _daddybbq_ : MICHAEL

@ _daddybbq_ : GET OFF THIS DAMN CHAT AND HELP ME BUY THIS SHIT

@ _ragebaby_ : brb

@ _tuggmeister_ : Oh my god

Michael looked up at Geoff across the aisle and grinned cheekily. The man shook his head in disgust at what looked like a package of sprinkles.

“I’m helping you all with a surprise party that I’m not even even invited to.”

Michael turned back to Gavin. “We already talked about this.”

“ _At my own place_.”

“You gotta try, man.”

“I've been ‘trying’ for over a year,” he whined.

“Look, Gavin,” Geoff snapped. “I don’t think I need to spell it out for you, but a year is nothing. And you can have your meltdown once we get out of this grocery store, okay?”

Gavin rolled his head toward the ceiling and groaned.

Geoff sighed as Michael bounced on the balls of his feet. “Gavin, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but… ”

Michael chuckled, lifted his phone discreetly, and held a button down.

“Ryan wants to be friends with you again.”

Gavin’s head whipped to Michael. “You’re lying.”

“He’s not,” Geoff muttered.

The lanky boy fell to his knees with a crack and stretched his arms toward the fluorescent-paneled lights on the ceiling. He tilted his head back and smiled widely.

“ _Finally_ ,” Gavin sighed feverishly. Passerby glanced at him with concerned eyes. “My prayers have finally been answe–”

“You don’t pray,” Geoff interjected. Gavin ignored him and proceeded to bow down toward the shelves of packaged walnuts. Michael lifted his finger from the button and checked out the upload options.

_[ up for adoption ]_

@ _ragebaby_ uploaded 20150530_133758.mp4

@ _ragebaby_ : gavin at his finest

“Let’s get out of here,” Geoff placed his hand on Michael’s shoulder and steered him toward the checkout. “Any more of this and I really will leave him up for adoption.”

Michael called over his shoulder. “Gavin, we’re going now!”

* * *

 

“I’m coming, jeez!” Lindsay huffed. _Low maintenance, my ass_.

Meg stood in the middle of Lindsay’s room covered in a mountain of gold tulle like a thrift shop holiday ornament. Lindsay stopped just shy of tangible contact and shook her head disapprovingly. Freshly-polished wooden floors reflected her friend’s appearance in a warbled dinosaur-chic aesthetic.

“You’re a disgrace, Meg,” she chastised. “Turn around already.”

Meg quieted down and tottered around in a semicircle, showing her friend the unzipped, tangled mess of dress fabric against her back. Lindsay sighed loudly and went to work.

“Couldn’t have worn a skirt, huh? I hope this was worth it,” she chided and was met with apologetic whimpering. “Not gonna cut it. You owe me big time if we’re late.”

_Zip._

Meg’s shoulders sank in relief. “Well, Linds. Not much to owe you since our last day of homework was last week,” she retorted, though muffled.

Lindsay pushed the glittery tulle back into Meg’s mouth. “You were better with the muzzle,” she giggled. By the way her friend was thrashing her head, she probably disagreed. It was even better that Meg’s hands were burritoed in against her body.

“Okay, I’ll stop,” Lindsay let go. “At this rate, it’ll be me who makes us late.”

She grabbed Meg’s shoulders and trailed them to find where her arms were stuck. In a matter of seconds and after strange joint-popping noises, they were free. The only thing left was to tie the built-in piece around her neck and slip on her pumps. As Meg smoothed down her dress, she glanced at Lindsay. Her golden pleated skirt shimmered down to the middle of her calves in elegant waves and the knotted collar blouse matched just as nicely. They looked like clothes out of a blog she read recently.

“You okay?” Lindsay made eye contact with Meg in the mirror. “Did we forget something?”

“Is this… Gucci?” Meg reached forward to finger the crisp, glowing pleats. Lindsay laughed and shook her hips and let the skirt flash and sparkle with luxurious movement. Meg’s eyes widened in childish wonder.

“Yeah, it’s Gucci.”

“Lindsay, I can’t tell if being so close to this is adding or subtracting years from my life,” Meg bit her lip.

“I’ll give it to you if it survives the night,” Lindsay winked above her. Meg stood up straight so quickly her back popped in complaint.

“I love yo–”

“I love you too, and yes I’ll marry you,” Lindsay rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips. “Now let’s go.”

“Okay but reeeeeal quick–” Meg scrambled for her phone on the edge of the bed. She swiped against the camera shortcut and motioned for Lindsay to step beside her. “One for the road?”

“Oh, I can’t say no to that,” Lindsay laughed. “Let’s do it.”

They smiled at each other in the on-screen camera and Meg pressed the shutter icon the next moment. The girls broke apart, but kept their smiles. Meg kept tapping away on her phone.

“Send it to the group chat?”

_[ up for adoption ]_

@ _tuggmeister_ uploaded 20150530_170332.jpg

@ _tuggmeister_ : :ok_hand:

“Already one step ahead of ya, pardner.”

* * *

 

“Son, this isn’t the wild west, it’s twenty-fifteen,” the man chuckled. He wore a smart, red oxford button-up, black slacks, and black shoes, but his son was clad in brown from bottom to toe.

“You know I don’t know how to do fashion, dad,” Ryan groaned.

“Come now,” he helped the teen out of his shirt. “ _You know_ you don’t dress like you’re some silly old crayon.”

“Okay, but what do I wear with brown shoes?” Ryan asked as he went to war with his brown trousers.

“Your navy slacks and blazer. Wear your grey shirt underneath,” he paused and looked up, thinking.

A beat of silence passed. Ryan pulled hard on the material around his ankles. He hoped the man couldn’t hear the small _rip_ as he finally got them off.

“Maroon tie,” he decided and walked out of the room. Ryan lifted a brow.

As Ryan dashed back into his closet and pulled out the right clothes, he heard his phone vibrate… and vibrate… and vibrate…

He hurried to slip into the more comfortable clothes and carefully tucked the shirt in before he snatched his phone to check the group chat.

_[ up for adoption ]_

@ _tuggmeister_ : W o w

@ _dooldrool_ : :thinking: :thinking: :thinking: :thinking:

@ _dooldrool_ : there is no way that’s real.

@ _tuggmeister_ : Is that

@ _ultramega_ : Is that a grocery store?

@ _tuggmeister_ : A grocery store???

@ _dooldrool_ : god yes.

@ _ragebaby_ : yes

@ _daddybbq_ : YES AND NOW WE ARE LEAVING

@ _ragebaby_ : geoff pls

Ryan scrolled up in curiosity. Apparently Michael uploaded a video… of a grocery store? He decided to watch it later before he had to explain yet another meme to his father.

Speaking of the devil, the man bounced back into Ryan’s room with a silk maroon tie in hand and waved it valiantly over his head. He squinted through his bifocals to check the time on his wrist and nodded to himself.

“Come here, Ryan,” he waved. “Let me teach you how to tie a tie the quick and dirty way.”

Ryan snorted. This wasn’t going to be quick.

* * *

 

“Have I ever told you how embarrassing you both are to me?”

“You remind us every day, Geoff,” Gavin beamed at him lovingly. Michael continued to chug his water bottle down, the plastic crinkling obnoxiously with each gulp. Geoff grimaced at him.

Michael exhaled. “How can we embarrass you when we look this handsome?”

“The fact is that both of you are still twerps underneath all that fancy fabric,” he stated a-matter-of-factly. “But you’re my twerps.”

“Aw, Dad!” Gavin charged at him with a hug.

“God damnit, don’t call me that.”

“Does it make you emotional?” asked Michael from across the room while he tossed his empty bottle.

“Maybe. Doesn’t matter.”

The teens grinned at each other knowingly.

_BZZZZZZZZT._

Gavin unlatched from the man and ran to the front door. Jeremy, Lindsay, and Meg smiled through the small glass detail. He opened it eagerly.

“Looking good, you two!” Lindsay followed it up with a wolf whistle.

Gavin blushed and shrugged. Michael struck a pose.

“Alright, you kids have fun,” Geoff waved from behind the duo. “I’ll see you later tonight.”

Everyone cheered back similar responses and dragged the two boys out with them and into Lindsay’s box car. Michael called shotgun and Meg sat between Gavin and Jeremy in the back. She bunched the excess fabric of her dress over her lap to accommodate them, but ended up letting the tulle spill over their laps. They played with it idly.

“So Gavin,” Jeremy leaned over to call him. “How was the grocery store?”

Everyone else in the car snickered and Gavin flushed, but kept his confused stare.

“I’ve no idea what you mean by that. It was pretty boring, Geoff and my boi just–”

“ _Finally! My prayers have finally been answered!”_ Gavin’s voice played in digitally-compressed enthusiasm from the seat in front of him.

“MICHAEL!?” Gavin was red through his ears and collarbones. “What have you done!?”

“D-don’t worry boi,” Michael cackled. “I’ll be your Ryan wingman tonight.”

He covered his face in his hands. Meg rubbed his back soothingly.

“Gavin, we’re all excited to see Ryan and you be friends again, okay?” she reasoned. “We’re not making fun of you.”

“She’s right,” Lindsay piped up. “We’re honestly as hyped as you are.”

“I’ve never pre-prepared for an event so much in my life,” Jeremy stretched.

“You barely helped though,” Meg looked at him incredulously.

“Details.”

“Hey Lil’ J,” Michael turned back in his seat. “How’s Ryan’s speech gonna sound?”

Gavin lifted his head in interest.

“Well, it has a funny intro.”

“And?” asked Lindsay and Michael.

“I’m not going to spoil it!” Jeremy waggled his finger teasingly.

“God, you suck,” Michael scoffed.

“I like the surprise. Besides,” Meg shrugged. “Ryan’s a good speaker when he has to be.”

“He just saves the fumbling and bumbling for us,” Lindsay finished. Everyone else hummed fondly. “He’ll do fine.”

* * *

 

Someone lied to him. Every seat in the stadium was full, and there was an excess of people standing against the front barrier. There was no way he was going to live through this. Ryan forced himself to just focus on his breathing.

“I’d like to welcome Ryan Haywood, one of our seniors and honor students, to give his classmates a final speech!”

He barely had time to inhale before his own feet swept him toward the podium. The juvenile stadium felt larger from behind the small column, and it wasn’t until his feet settled that he noticed the click and glare of the cameras and recording devices at his feet held by professionals with wry, bubbling grins.

Ryan’s eyes deliberately swept across his classmates and peers as he slowly appraised his audience and calmed his heart rate. Toward the back, Meg waggled her eyebrows at him but otherwise remained stoic, and Lindsay beamed proudly beside her. Michael was in the third row with a cheesy grin, and Jeremy sat in front of him blowing kisses. Even Gavin, off on the edge of the third row, gave him an encouraging curve of his lips. He could do this.

The applause died down with his nerves like a soothing water spray. Ryan felt the subtle heat of someone standing behind him, but he decided to start his speech before the edge came back.

“Good evening,” he greeted evenly, already delighted that the microphone was working. It was easy to look out to the crowd in the bleachers from here– he had awful sight in the dark without his glasses, and the corners of his eyes still blemished from camcorder lights– because he couldn’t tell if the looks upon their faces were of excitement or trepidation. The graduates cheered, some with a fist pump. Families in the back hooted in a murmured, enthusiastic cant.

“I’d like to welcome all students,” he met Michael’s gaze as he glanced downward, “faculty, family,” and looked back up, “friends, and guests to La Marque High’s fifty-third graduation commencement.”

Polite clapping broke through his words. He swallowed quickly and leaned forward.

“Well, _I’d like to_ , but I know many of us– myself included– are here right now through nothing short of a miracle.”

His classmates and many families in the seats slowly boiled into laughter. The sensation behind him felt a little closer, yet it was inexplicably comforting. Ryan held onto his momentum.

“I’d like to say things like ‘we rocked it,’ ‘we’re the best,’ and ‘we’ve always been set up for greatness,’ but the truth is that this year was an ordeal,” he paused. Many of his peers nodded in mutual understanding. He swallowed and scanned the seats again for a familiar face. In the second row, Joel– _is that what is his combed hair looked like?_ – was fixated on a seat a few rows behind him. Ryan followed his vision quickly and regretted it.

There was one vacant seat at the end of a row dressed in its own gown, stole and cords with the cap sitting atop the cushion. All of the calm Ryan had carefully handled within him rushed out of his body in an exothermic nightmare. Ray’s empty seat stared back at him expectantly.

Ryan made sure there wasn’t space in his speech for him, but reality had other plans. The hairs on his nape stood up in thin pricks and he shut his eyes quickly. Just as quickly Ryan remembered where he was and opened them in mortification. He snapped his gaze back to Joel and found him staring back knowingly. As a matter of fact, that seemed to be the case for everyone else. The speech he had created and molded in his brain disintegrated within moments; everyone was expecting him to talk about it. The warmth at his back was gone.

“I, um,” Ryan sighed. It was going to be a long night, but the knowledge that it was going to be the last one motivated him. “There is one student who isn’t with us tonight,” he gestured to the empty seat with a grossly shaking hand. The small sniffling in the audience filled his ears like cotton balls. “Ray was my… best friend.”

A heavy pressure set in his gut. Something must have shown on Ryan’s furrowed brows during his pause because the cameras beneath him canted higher for a better angle. He wanted to crouch behind the podium and scream.

“He died last year a-and…” Has it really been a year? He mentally cursed himself, the warm sensation of tears in the back of his eyes felt like a missile being positioned for launch. “Although it was back in junior year, h-he would have easily had a seat with us all tonight.”

Ryan needed to wrap it up, or die. Maybe get back on track to the original script? But that would sound forced. Make it up until the end? Unless he wanted to babble through stubborn tears, there was no way that was going to happen. He could–

“I want to remind us of what we’ve been through together,” his mind decided to deflect.

“Together, we dealt with heatwaves, blackouts, the revival of ‘Party Rock Anthem’,” Ryan picked up his half-remembered speech through autopilot, but even he knew it would have been equally productive if he just closed it there. People in the crowds laughed along at the perfect moments, eager to ditch the somberness and finish the night with a remnant of celebration.

Oh, the closing. Ryan felt a wave of hysteria wash over him. He heard the crowd pick up on his jokes and cheer the more he talked, in on the act. He smirked at Jeremy, but the boy was giving him a look that resembled a person approaching oncoming traffic. Ryan bit his lip and raised a fist in the air.

“Fuck yeah!” he shouted, eyes closed. The microphone crackled as it struggled to carry his voice. A frenzied wave of voices surrounded him and only grew louder in alarm, but Ryan nearly mistook it for the acute feeling of blood pumping into his heart. It was all he could hear– the sloshing in his ears and the voices calling to him from above the water. Water? He opened his eyes and–

“Meg?”

“Ryan?” her eyes were wide with as much surprise as he felt. Her golden eyeshadow glistened under the lamp light.

Wait, lamp? Where–

“We’re in Gavin’s room, Ryan. You’re okay.”

Ryan blinked quickly.

“Why are we in _his_ room?”

Her lips drew into a thin, contemplative line. “Well, as soon as we got here, you kept going on and on about how much you couldn’t breathe. Lindsay was smart enough to check your forehead and you had a huge fever, so we jus–”

“ _Wait_ , _wait_ ,” Ryan pleaded. His head was light with air pockets. “Y-you’re… what? How did– how did I get here?”

“After graduation, you carpooled with me and Lindsay.”

“What?”

“You didn’t want your dad to drive you at night?” she raised an eyebrow, not catching on.

“No… no, no, no, no,” Ryan shook his head and repeated himself. He felt like someone pressed the reset button on him. “What happened after the speech?”

“Oh, you nailed it. The ending was crazy as hell, but,” Meg shrugged and looked up. Ryan could see the redness in her eyes. “It was unforgettable, that’s for sure.”

“If it was so unforgettable, why don’t I remember anything!?”

Meg’s gazed snapped back down at Ryan’s outcry, and the focus made him want to crawl under the bed.

“I remember the speech,” he clarified, “but I don’t remember anything after. It was like I was underwa–” he stopped talking.

“Ryan, can–”

“Hey! I finally found some meds! This place is a labyrinth,” Lindsay welcomed herself into the large room. Meg jumped and grimaced at her friend.

Red, braided pigtails bounced behind Lindsay’s pretty face as she leaned over. “Oh, you’re awake.”

Meg shook her head frantically and grabbed Lindsay’s wrist before pulling her out of the room and shutting the door lightly. Ryan turned over on the large bed. The thin sheen of royal blue polyester slid over his shoulder and waist– he was still in his graduate robes. He wriggled out of them quickly and almost strangled himself on the honors, club, and gratis cords before tossing them against the wall. He stared longingly at the window closest to him, but he remembered that Gavin’s room was on the second floor.

“Why can’t I remember?” he whispered to himself. There was a time when he was younger and ‘amnesia’ was always a viable excuse to get out of trouble, but he never expected it to be an almost violating experience. It was like something was using his body, acting like him, and making decisions for him until it got bored. He couldn’t hold back the full-body shudder.

“Ryan,” Meg’s soft voice called to him.

He turned back around to face her. He’d been such a shitty friend. Ryan pat the spot on the bed next to him, and she smiled tenderly.

Ryan felt safer immediately. When he slung a lazy arm around her waist, she didn’t ask why or flinch. It was middle school all over again. He moved closer and bumped his nose against her. She only laughed and reached up to his shoulder to knead the tense muscle there.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” he confessed into their shared space, eyes looking calmly into hers.

Meg shook her head lightly. “There’s nothing wrong. I think tonight was an awful night for you.”

Ryan opened his mouth to protest. _It was just weird_ , he wanted to tell her, but she continued.

“Everything that happened last year is catching up to you. And I… I feel it too. I feel like shit, but I don’t want to tell anyone. But the thing is that _we were all there_. Ryan,” her hand slipped into his hair and rubbed his scalp lightly. “No one understands you better than me or anyone in this house right now. We’re here for you.”

Ryan was dumbfounded and let the tears dribble down his cheeks.

“I know the situation sucks, but I can’t tell you with words how happy I am to see you right now,” her voice wavered and broke into a tiny piece. “I missed you, Ryan.”

He leaned his forehead against hers and held her a little closer. The scent of her usual shampoo filled his nostrils; coincidentally, he recalled how Michael once tried to use it as an ice cream topping during a summer hangout when they were kids. He remembered the look on Meg’s face and started laughing.

“What?” she backed away slightly.

“Your face w-w-when Michael ate your sh-shampoo!” he snorted loudly.

“Oh my god?” she scowled at the boy in her arms, but the look was soon replaced with a mix of disgust and amusement. Ryan only laughed harder; that was the face.

“Well, I’m glad you’re back to your weird-ass self,” she sighed with a smile, and scooted back close to him like a shield.

Ryan blushed. “You have that effect on people. It’s a superpower, really.”

“But I only use those powers on you,” she kissed his forehead and nuzzled it. God, he wanted to cry again.

“I heard that rare Ryan laugh!” Michael called from outside the door. He hobbled in sideways with Gavin in a chokehold.

Ryan looked up and Meg craned her head back toward the doorway. Michael let go of Gavin and put his hands on his hips.

“Didn’t know you two still did that,” he hummed and placed a hand on his chin, stroking an invisible beard. Gavin scratched the back of his neck awkwardly and looked at the space behind Meg’s hair.

“It’s been awhile,” Meg yawned. “You jealous?”

Ryan’s eyebrows bounced.

“Tch, I’m not the jealous one,” he smirked. “I also don’t need a little sister… or older brother… or whatever you two call that thing you’re doing right now.”

“Friendship?” they both asked.

“Yes, of course,” Michael answered in an aged voice. He tilted his head and the smirk only grew.

Ryan rolled his eyes and pat the spot behind him. “Look, if you want to cuddle, just get over here already.”

“Don’t mind if I do!” Instead of following Ryan’s gesture, Michael jogged to Meg’s side and hauled her off the sheets. Her yelp grew into laughter as Michael took her spot in Ryan’s embrace. He rubbed his face against Ryan’s cheek like a cat.

“This isn’t weird.”

“Look, you nerd,” Michael pulled back to look Ryan in the eye. “We’ve all been worried about you. I definitely worried the most though, so let me love you.”

Ryan cringed and tried to wiggle out of Michael’s hold but it only made his grip tighter and his laughter more maniacal.

A timid tap on Ryan’s back made him pause. He turned his head back as far as he could and noticed the sandy wisps of Gavin’s hair. He smiled.

“Hey, Gavin.”

Gavin peered over Ryan and smiled shyly. “Hey, Ryan. Can I join?”

Ryan snorted and nodded. Thin, lanky arms wrapped around him from the back and played with the fabric of his tie. This was going to get uncomfortable soon. Michael giggled and stared at Gavin’s hands.

As if he was summoned, Jeremy walked in with a red 3DS in one hand and a phone in the other. He looked up and gaped– the matching stylus dropped out of his mouth. Meg was still on the floor, undoing her complex updo of purple hair. Lindsay had stealthily wandered in at some point and sat next to Meg, finger-combing the tangled bits of freed hair.

“Gaaaaay!” he exclaimed and Ryan planted his reddened face in Michael’s shoulder. Jeremy held his phone up and the flash went off.

* * *

 

“Put that phone away! You cannot take pictures of a classmate’s textbook and expect to pass this class,” the professor scolded from the opposite side of the room. “Please make sure to bring your textbook every day.”

Ryan mouthed a curse and returned his phone back to his pocket. Gavin gave him an apologetic look and retrieved his textbook back before placing it in his bag.

“I’ll see you later?” Gavin smiled at him coyly.

“Yup,” Ryan nodded. He watched his friend exit the room and sighed as he turned back to his notes. He hoped they would be enough to study from.

He took his time on the way out and noticed one of his classmates standing outside the room. A shorter guy with a mop of brown hair and plain glasses looked up at him. The new kid.

“Hey, you need to see the book for a bit?”

No way. “Wait what?”

The boy shifted a little. “I saw that you needed to see the textbook because you didn’t bring one. If you want, you can see mine.”

Ryan nodded dumbly. It was always the unassuming ones that were the surprises. He took the time to observe his savior while he fished into his bag.

“I really like your shirt,” he said. It was a dark navy tee with the cutest pink graphic of Kirby he’d ever seen. He never really cared for Kirby games but god, _it was so cute_.

“Thanks man,” the boy presented his textbook to Ryan. “Do you game?”

“Yeah! I’m a pc gamer, but I have an Xbox for Halo and stuff,” he let himself babble. “I’m kind of boring in that I… mostly play shooters.”

“Nah, dude. Shooters are my bread and butter,” the boy replied. He played with a curl of his hair, and that was cute too. “My name’s Ray. We should play together sometime.”

He had a cool name, too? Ryan made quick work of the pictures and uploaded them to the cloud so he could look at them on his laptop when he made it home. “I’m Ryan.”

“Okay, Rye,” Ray was quick to shorten his name. Ryan raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. “For letting you do this, you owe me one game night.”

“You’re on,” he smirked, thrilled.

“Gonna wipe that pretty smirk off your face,” Ray sing-songed. “I’m pretty good when I’m in my element.”

“Same goes for me,” Ryan shrugged confidently.

 _BRRIIIIINNNNNNNG_.

“So, um,” he talked quickly as the warning bell signaled students to head to their next classes. “Wanna hang out during lunch? We can talk more there and you can meet my friends and stuff.”

“Sure. How about we just meet right here after class?” Ray pointed at their feet. “Kinda my first day here.”

Ryan nodded. He couldn’t trust himself to speak.

“See ya then, Rye.”

“Later, Ray,” he waved, walking backward a few steps before turning away and almost colliding with an open locker. New friends were always something special.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > sets a deadline  
> > misses it by over a month  
> > has the audacity to type in greentext about it

**Author's Note:**

> Real locations are mentioned throughout the story, but please continue to adopt the mindset of this work to be completely fiction. Updates will be posted every other weekend at the latest until further notice.
> 
> ((Also what the fuck why am I writing a multi-chapter when I'm supposed to be preparing for my next degree?))


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